Getting to know me ~~ My Salvation Testimony

I was thinking today about the fact that I am blogging in a whole new arena and while some of you have known me for the past few years, many of you have not. So I have revamped My Salvation Testimony off of my 360 blog. I only speak lightly of the experience, but enough said for you to grasp "my story". So this WAS me ............
My Salvation Testimony
Well, I have written of many things - but so far have not given my testimony. So I thought it was time. I will try not to get too long or confusing with it - but as you probably know by now I love to Ramble ( Hence the name of my blog ). Here goes. If I confuse you - just ask me about it.

I was not raised in church. We went on occassion. My Mom is English and kept saying she couldn't find a church like what she was used to - and my Dad...... he just didn't go. I don't ever remember seeing him in Church growing up. My Dad was in the Air Force so we were mainly back and forth between England and Texas. When we were in England I do remember going to church ( to the Protestant Service on Base and not to the Church of England, by the way) on occassion and to some of the Vacation Bible Schools. I know I used to really enjoy it - but a child will not encourage themself to continue. So after we came back to Texas I don't remember us going to church at all, except on one or two holiday services. At about 16 I started going to church with a friend. I remember sitting there, knowing that they all had something that I wanted - but didn't understand. Now in this time of going to this church I would go to their extracurricular activities and to sunday service, but never to sunday school. That is why years later I worked with the youth - trying to catch those teenagers who were passing through and not connecting. But I digress. I did go forward and was Baptized - but I still did not understand. No one ever took the time to check and make sure I understood about my "relationship with the Lord". So there were not really any life changes in me. But I still yearned. I was married a few months before my 19th birthday. I did try going to the Church of Christ with my husband once. We both knew we should be in church and as he had been raised in church I was willing to go to his denomination ( I really didn't understand the differences in denominations). Well the people were so rude we never went back. That was it for many, many years. My husband and I were stationed in England from 88 - 92. Well while we were there many things came to a head. I have always for as long as I can remember sensed "spirits" about me, even as a child. Well I had a cousin who also was active in this area and so it made it easier to open the door all of the way. I was looking for God and I trusted her. So a door that was cracked open in my life was suddenly flung open wide. Without going into details, I very quickly was into palm reading, tarot card reading ( which honestly I had dabbled in for a number of years prior and already had a set of tarot cards). I also was "looking" at past life regression, automatic writing - until I realized I didn't need it because I was already hearing in my mind what my hand was writing. Reading auras, astral projection and the last and most consistent thing I was involved in I guess would fall under channeling. I want you to understand though that I had opened a door that I quickly realized was not right, but I had no idea how to make it all go away. I never went deeply into any of the above named stuff because I didn't have total faith that if I just let loose I wasn't going to have a spirit jump into my body and I would be gone. Looking back I can see where the Lord truely protected me. We did a lot of what we did through Spirit Guides. I remember I thought that I was so wise and I never touched a ouija board because I KNEW they were bad. But don't you know these are all open doorways to the same vehicle? I might as well have played with the ouija board too!! Anyway I got to the point that I was hearing voices in my mind all of the time. You could never totally shut it off. As I tried to start drawing away I would get awful things said to me, some of it like I would be in a vehicle about to cross over a road and I would hear a voice say," when you cross over you will get hit by another car and die - and then you are mine". I used to go and see a palm reader fairly often and she would say to me "slow down, don't move so fast in things". She was not like any other palm reader I have since run into. Had I met any of the ones I went to in the states in later years I would have never gone back. But this lady never knew your name and never asked any questions. Yet she would tell me my past, present and future and be dead on for that which I could varify. Of course I understand now how that happened , but didn't then. Anyway, things built to a point that I had to make it go away, but how?? I had a spell with depression, which praise God I quickly got a handle on. I had a friend drive me to the Church down in Bourton on the Water because I knew I needed things to stop. But sitting in that church I still had all of the same stuff going on. A great lesson for me for the future. Satan does get into our churches. Test everything. I remember laying in bed one night and I was shown 4 spirits and I was told that they were just waiting for me. To remember them because I would be seeing them in the near future. Actually one of them came back quite a few years later. Only it was bothering one of my daughters. This stuff is generational. I used to lay in bed at night and talk myself to sleep. I was afraid to just let my mind rest - because then I had to hear things. There used to be an old lady who walked down our hallway. I could hear her steps and the tapping of her cane as she went. I could never find peace. My mind was all a clutter and I was afraid to let it be otherwise. I hear people talk about seeing things and I can only say "I know that it is true". I can remember looking at my cousin once and watching her eyes turn from a beautiful blue to a black, black. Or watching her as she sat in a chair rocking, describing what was going on. What she was seeing. But as I watched her it was like an old, old person took her over. I am not going to go into detail but suffice it to say, I saw it. Anyway, we finally got at the point that it was time to go back to the states. I was so happy because I thought I would be leaving it all there. Yeah, right. All I did was to put myself in my new home, alone and open wide to spiritual attack. With no one to talk to from England who would understand. I am not going to go through all that happened in that time frame until my acceptance , but it was ugly. However I finally reached a point of making a decision. My husband was TDY when it all came to a head. To begin with I had a dream. It was one of those dreams where you know, that you know, that you know that God has spoken to you. In it, we were out in our back yard. Well in Texas we had a concrete padded basketball area in the center of our backyard. In this dream it was a fenced in area and when we bought the house we were told it was a water tank. This is one of the things which bugged me for years. I know it was supposed to be a water tank but in my mind I always saw it as an oil tank, like the ones we had in our yard in England. But anyway, why someone would buy a house with a water tank in the center who knows, but we did in this dream. There were a bunch of kids going up a slide and sliding down into a wading pool. The slide was right up next to the fence and there was this large boy who went down the slide and as he did he knocked the fence over. These were not kids we knew, just kids. Well now I could see inside and it wasn't a water tank it was like 3 golf sandpits, but when I looked at them I could see they were satanic circles and there were satanic signs all along the outsides of them. Even though that is not something which I know, but they were obvious in this dream. I was saying "I wouldn't have this in my life" and my husband and I were taking axes and trying to destroy them, but they wouldn't break up. Well this is where I woke up. It was obvious to me the Lord was saying "Carole this is what you have in your life - now make a decision". Things were bad all of that day. The girls went to spend the night and I was all alone and knew I had to do something. That is when I heard the Lord tell me, " Carole I have told you and told you and told you, now I am backing off. Child, do something about it." If you ask me what God looks like I don't know, but I do know His hands. I don't know how to describe the motions He made as He said those words to me, but the visual is clear. He basically was dusting off His hands and telling me "it is your responsibility". My problem was always what if I asked God to take care of things and He didn't want to? What if He didn't want me? I would have stirred up satan and then would have him to deal with as God walked away. With everything being so visual to me, this was a hard, hard, step of faith. I called a man named Tom, who taught a Sunday School class I had visited a time or two recently. He came out and at 11:40pm on Feb. 16, 1994, 20 minutes before my 31st birthday, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Praise God. A friend of mine who I had also called, I think was very dissappointed - it was all so peaceful. But you see had it been anything else, I would have doubted its validity. God knew me and He knew I needed peace. It was wonderful. Now later on that night I had joy and laughing and tears and dancing. But for that moment I had total peace!!! I went to sleep that night for the first time in about 6 years and I just closed my eyes and went to sleep. No talking myself there!!

My friend had asked me if I though I should tell others my testimony as it was so weird. But I said yes because there are others out there who are going through the exact same thing and I will be honest. There will be those who will think I am nuts - but oh well. I asked a lot of people, looking for answers and so many of them were not honest. I will not lie or cover up my past. At one point before we left England I had the opportunity to go and see my older brother who was in Holland. I was so excited because I knew he was a Christian and I thought, " He can help show me in the Bible what is going on". I remember sitting at his table and his words were " Carole, There are two places things come from and what you have is not from God". He told me years after that fact - that he thought that since he couldn't quote the verses, etc. he had no business helping me. From that I learned to never let it stop me. I am not all knowledgable and I may have to stop and look or even to ask someone else - but I will find what I am looking for. It was a great lesson.

I cannot say it has been easy ever since. There were a couple of times that spirits tried and I had to learn to respond differently. I could tell you of the last time I sensed anything in my room. The Lords Prayer is mighty. I may go into some of these things in another blog. I am not wanting to draw this one out too long. A lot of it is learning to change your habits. To call on the Lord instead of depending on self. To lean on Him. I had to learn to "Be still and know He is God" instead of keeping my mind a clutter. For about the first two years I was told that over and over again by total strangers. The last thing I will cover is the water tank issue. About 10 years after the fact I was having lunch with a new Christian friend and we were sharing testimonies. As I was telling her mine and got to the water tank - I suddenly knew. He gave me living water!!!! Then I understood why the oil tank concept was there too. Oil is of course symbolic of the Holy Spirit!!!

God is good. He continues to draw us into new depths. I cannot wait each moment to see where He takes me. Well I will close for now. Blessings to each of you.